His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They took my balls.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
