Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
