Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
