i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dignity is for republicans.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
