Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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