I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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