Kareoke will never be a sober sport
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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