Life is so much better after having sex.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
