If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
