he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
