what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The air was thick with penises
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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