she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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