if i can run in heels then i can drive
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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