this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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