My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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