I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
