At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's never too late to be topless.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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