i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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