He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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