I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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