she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
