Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
