Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
