that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
