They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
