You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
