you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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