her vagina looked like bernie madoff
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
