There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
