I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
