We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
its not stalking. its research.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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