I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
