omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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