i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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