Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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