For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize