Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
