The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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