just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
