why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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