Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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