I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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