He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
