Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
