Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
