Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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