my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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