I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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