I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize