Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
