Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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