She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
