I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
