If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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