you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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