kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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