Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
