it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
