If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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