You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
