Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
