I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
