Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you would pick up someone in the library
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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