Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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