i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
