if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
