I'm really into asian looking animals
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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