Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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