he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This is not my ceiling
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
