I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
